The Birth of New Democracy in The People’s Republic of Absurdia

Fred’s marquee act had undoubtedly been the creation of the twin pillars of New Democracy and the People’s Republic, all achieved one spectacular afternoon.

It began with armed Blackguard storming the Commons, pointing guns, swinging batons, throwing a few threats around. Opposition MPs’ first reaction had been to stay and protest but after a short conflab they soon felt it best to comply with the Blackguard, certainly safer and less bloody, and what MP worth their salt doesn’t have self-preservation high up on their agenda?

Reading Fred’s script, Hair announced –

“We have entered a phase of New Democracy, the most efficient system yet that we have developed to serve you, the wonderful people of this country.

“I am clear that, ideally, we need opposition. Of course. That is a fundament to traditional democracy. But when this so-called opposition is guilty of immaturity and unhelpful comments, espousing non-sensical drivel intended to ignite riot, they render the system ineffectual. I welcome criticism, but not when it is of the vindictive and unhelpful kind.

“In our liberal, compassionate society we simply will not tolerate negative naysayers whose raison d’être is to disrupt. What we need is constructive discussion not inflammatory rabble rousing that contains no political substance to it whatever. For the good of the country they have disbanded.”

And now that they were gone, what difference did it make? Most of the old guard had been steeped in grubby business involving duck islands, moats and lobbying, with resolutions in the chamber often trade-offs, deals and the securing of special interests. It had hardly been a beacon of purity. Either way, some people still had to be in charge and it took a certain brand of sociopath to fill the role. Terry Hair was just the man!

Only minutes after the opposition had been led out of parliament at gunpoint, Blackguard swarmed Buckingham Palace.

Hair’s bons mots here –

“For the cleanliness of the type of environment we all want to live in, it is essential to do what we are doing today. The state of our economy determines that we can no longer sustain a monarchy that takes money directly from you, the good people of Britain. The Royals are an impediment to our modern future, the system neither practicable nor just.

“I have come here to meet the King personally to ensure a smooth and orderly transition of power. We are not storming the Bastille. We are possessing of class, the like of which those continentals can only dream. Now, let’s go and give His Royal Highness a bit of a surprise!

Having witnessed what had happened in the Commons, the King put up minimal fuss and he was unceremoniously removed from the Palace.

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