“The Last Thing Anyone Needs Is A Dribbling Crisis (And Other Small Talk) is a blackly comic collection of thoughts, stories and things that probably shouldn’t have happened.”
SECTION 1: KNOCKIN ABOUT THE NEIGHBOURHOOD
As I approached his flat I could see him at the window. It began to open and I could see he was struggling with something. A great long, what? sheet? flopped out.
He began unfurling the long white fabric. It seemed to be a banner of some sort and as it be-came equal to its task, huge red and black painted letters were revealed with the message:
TO WHOEVER I WOKE UP LAST NIGHT
When he let me in he was dressed in drag & suspenders. ‘Alright mate,’ he said.
We went through to his lounge and in there sat an attractive brunette in her mid-twenties.
‘Alright mate,’ she said, smoking a spliff.
I had to laugh when I recognised her. She was a friend of one of the bridesmaids at the wedding I’d been to that weekend. I’d been given a plus-one and had invited Louie – the man stood just there in drag & suspenders who’d unfurled the banner. He’d got confused and turned up to the wedding dressed as ET cos he thought we were going to a fancy dress. It made people wonder about my choice of cohorts but evidently played well with the ladies.