Terrance Gonzo gets a history lesson as he ponders peacocks, mortgages and the most appropriate use for a cigar

A mortgage is the way to hell –

that’s what he says.

He turns back round, double takes

A TSB mortgage can help you borrow well –

that’s what the he paper says.

It was some peacocking business and I needed to pick a sweat pea.

‘there she is,’ I said, pointing to the front cover of a magazine. It featured a beautiful woman, a woman on whose beauty I had commented during the previous night’s beer run.

‘always smiling,’ he said.

‘it’s a good quality,’ I said. ‘unlike him,’ I continued, pointing to a well-known cigar-toting war hero of sorts.

‘I heard of him! he’s a bastard, isn’t he?’

I said nothing before sort of laughing. He laughed. I edged out the shop.

What to make of that? Is it that he doesn’t realise it’s Churchill, or has he just got an interesting take on the whole thing? Or is it because Churchill was a notorious racist and the shop-keep hailed from India? I did concede that a man who wanted to hold onto the British Empire having vanquished the Nazis may not have been entirely consistent with ‘progressive thinking.’

But it’s a good job this came up. You gotta make bate, haven’t you?

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