Turns of phrase that turn my stomach

Greetings Lovers & Fighters

Trust this Tuesday finds you well.

Unfortunately for me I am, as ever, consumed with vomitous language, having inadvertently digested a load of filth in the last few days.

FILTH ONE

When another man (normally of the posh persuasion) says to you “good man” when you’ve either just been introduced or you’ve agreed to do someone a favour. It’s the patronising equivalent of “good boy” said to a dog. As I say, normally filth uttered by your common or garden Braying Toff.

FILTH TWO

The youth‘s pseudo-American use of “I’m gonna call bullshit on that one.”

Yeah? Well I’ve got bullshit’s number just here if you want?

Just say “that’s bullshit” or better still, “that’s bollocks” if you’re English.

FILTH THREE

Job hunters everywhere will daily find themselves wading through a lot of treacly shit language. The following comes from a website I won’t name, but it could’ve been from anywhere.

“This company brings together smart, talented people from a diversity of backgrounds, and creates a place you could bring your whole self to work.”

Yeah, cos normally I leave my fuckin arms at home, don’t I?

FILTH FOUR

This was maybe the worst place to find filth… TEST MATCH BLOODY SPECIAL. The end must be nigh when even the cricket’s at it.

“This was their fifth straight Test defeat in a row.”

Why not add “that happened consecutively” while you’re at it. Jesus Christ.

Now where’s Bullshit’s number…