Turns of phrase that turn my stomach

Greetings Lovers & Fighters

Trust this Tuesday finds you well.

Unfortunately for me I am, as ever, consumed with vomitous language, having inadvertently digested a load of filth in the last few days.

FILTH ONE

When another man (normally of the posh persuasion) says to you “good man” when you’ve either just been introduced or you’ve agreed to do someone a favour. It’s the patronising equivalent of “good boy” said to a dog. As I say, normally filth uttered by your common or garden Braying Toff.

FILTH TWO

The youth‘s pseudo-American use of “I’m gonna call bullshit on that one.”

Yeah? Well I’ve got bullshit’s number just here if you want?

Just say “that’s bullshit” or better still, “that’s bollocks” if you’re English.

FILTH THREE

Job hunters everywhere will daily find themselves through a lot of treacly shit language. The following comes from a website I won’t name, but it could’ve been from anywhere.

“This company brings together smart, talented people from a diversity of backgrounds, and creates a place you could bring your whole self to work.”

Yeah, cos normally I leave my fuckin arms at home, don’t I?

FILTH FOUR

This was maybe the worst place to find filth… TEST MATCH BLOODY SPECIAL. The end must be nigh when even the cricket’s at it.

“This was their fifth straight Test defeat in a row.”

Why not add “that happened consecutively” while you’re at it. Jesus Christ.

Now where’s Bullshit’s number…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s