Monday started. I went for a walk and got savaged by a dog.
Soon after, nursing wounds, I strolled through an internal market. As I smelled the whiff of the butchers I looked at people in the makeshift yet grand cafés and thought, Christ, who could have a nice relaxing coffee with that stench in their nozzies?
Twelve seconds later I was in one of those cafés ordering coffee, nozzies filled with carcass stench.
It was incredible how my mind blanked or contradicted itself with no worry or preoccupation with contradiction. Which was entirely contradictory to what I espoused in my every walk of life. That anyone, anything, everything, must, at the very least, conform to its own logic.
Then, of all people, my ex (the last important one) sat down at the next table.
‘I think you were an important relationship for me,’ she said. ‘I didn’t think so at the time, immediately after we broke up. I think we were both in a period of transition.’
I’d just felt like I always did.
I must always have been in a state of transition.
‘I think we could be friends.’
‘Do you really?’
I walked off, leaving my coffee.
Soon I heard –
An Evangelist was shouting at some Jewish people.
‘Erm. Didn’t Jesus have to die so you could get a religion? Dying for your sins and all that?’
The Evangelist had nothing to say to that, and walked off.
So a pint then? OK.
‘Feelin the effects of last night are we, Pog?’
‘You’re not wrong, Lew.’
‘You know what, I sometimes get a hangover-like headache in the morning if I eat cheese late at night. Gets me really dehydrated.’
‘Aye, well the reason for mine is I neglected my own advice. I swear by a cuppa tea before going to bed to nullify the effects of a hangover, and last night, I forgot.’
‘You know what I don’t understand about tea? It’s that if you leave a cup for a certain amount of time, and then over the same amount of time drink a different cup of tea, taking sips regularly, why does the drunk tea seem hotter than the one that is just left there?’
‘Aye it’s a conundrum, Lew.’
‘Similarly, adding sugar after it’s made makes it colder.’
‘In that case gimme a pint and one for yourself.’