Sigmund F’s compendium of fuck

As you may have gathered, we’re serious about language.

We loathe appalling use and love anyone who brings to our attention those often profoundly stupid attempts at seeming profound. An eg –

“Here are some leaflets on how to avoid further realigning. I suggest you read them carefully, or there is the danger you may become a resident here once again. Possibly even permanently. They will give you advice on best practice going forward. The Liberal Compassionate Party cares greatly for your well-being.”

They must do, thought Pontiff. Every government office, agency, facility, you-name-it, produced leaflets like this to guide you on best practice going forward. Fuck me, he thought, going forward, the most vacuous phrase in our evermore spasticated language.”

(from Ed Spencer’s The People’s Republic of Absurdia, Sigmund Fraud Books, 2016)

So, in light of that, here are a few other choice nippletwisters knocking around in our ‘evermore spasticated language.’

journey – “an act of travelling from one place to another.”

NOT – your changing emotions as you watch a film or the process of learning to draw.

space – a continuous area or expanse which is free, available, or unoccupied.

NOT – to be confused with ‘place’ or ‘venue.’

leverage – you mean ‘use’

squad come off it.

awesome truly the most grotesque word in operation.

reconnect – liaise, get in touch with. We’re organising a meeting not a heart-to-heart.

reduce down – no no, just reduce.

separate out – no no the ‘out’ is implicit you literary morons.

So please help us safeguard the language from this dross, and send us your most reviled words/discoveries of arsed up language

* apologies to anyone who read the draft of this ‘fore it was ready. Bit of overeagerness from the SFBers charged with Social Media. Think they call that ‘hoisted by your own petard.’

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