GONZO NEWS

He was back today, old Terrance Gonzo.

“I was in the area.”

He’d dashed off a quick bit of ‘short fiction’ this morn. Here it is:

TEXTUAL ANALYSIS

Maya: Ross, I’m so annoying. I’m really looking forward to seeing you but I just have so many things to do today. MY belongings are all over London, my house is a state and I want to look smoking hot when I come meet you.

Maya: My rooms (sic) meant to get painted today so I need to go to bloody Homebase.

Maya: All this kind of shirt. I’m not necessarily cancelling but I also need to find a bed.

Maya: urgh ive just woken up and maybe just feeling a bit stressed out. Maybe we can meet 4/5?

Maya: BLOODY OVER WEHLMED. Sorry

Maya: X

Maya: Also this brexit shit is kind of kicking off today.

Maya: Your going to . wakeup to a million messages from me and its going to be embarrassing.

ME: I wouldn’t say embarrassing. Finding a bed, reuniting belongings, getting to Homebase in the midst of Brexit is a lot for a person to deal with on a Saturday morning. Sure we can meet whenever’s good for you.

ME: ps I find hard it to believe you could look anything other than smoking hot.

Maya: Hahahahahaha okay thank you. Can I let u know what time around 2?

ME: Of course. Take as much time as you need.

Maya: This march is silly. Dont tell anyone I said that

ME: It is, to be sure, a bit silly indeed.

Maya: You fancy maybe coming to mine for late lunch/early dinner and a fuck load of alcohol?

Maya: I’m so indecisive thats why I usually don’t anyone to allow me (all well sic) to have any say in anything haha. Okay im being crazy. Ill talk to you when my brain has realigned.

ME: Wow! Ok. Sure. Coming round to yours sounds good. Ps You know I initially didn’t see the last line of your previous text.

Maya: Haha yea so u wanna maybe come round. Not for a fuck though unfortunately

Maya: Oh nono don’t come here

Maya: Ok text u at 2

Maya: Okay yea come

Maya: Haha

Maya: Ridiculous

Maya: Okay anything that you don’t eat?

ME: I’m not overly fussed about offal but other than that

Maya: This is a terrible idea timing wise

Maya: Sorry sorry sorry

Maya: Last plan change ever.

Maya: Dove dove dove

ME: Ok. See you at the Dove

Predictably, this one went nowhere. She was an hour and half late and I was hungover and tired. The date limped along and we never saw each other again.